Share it Please
I've been planning this post for a while, but I hadn't actually got up the nerve to write it until today. The title might sound kind of scary or daunting, but, trust me, it's not.
So why am I writing about fear?
Because lately that's what I've been struggling with. Fear of all kinds. The biggest one being "What if you get sick again?". As soon as this thought crosses my mind I feel it. The dull ache in my intestines, the nausea climbing up my throat, and, most importantly, the doubt. This could be a continuing thing and you were just having a really good period. Since you didn't know how it started it can come back anytime and now it has. And I feel myself slowly slipping down the mountain I have just triumphantly climbed. Down into this big, black hole that will be impossible to get out of the second time.
So here's the thing. I can deal with what life throws my way. As long as it's different every single time. My thought process here is that sense I am a Christian, people/life will always be trying to trip me up. I expect that, in fact, I welcome it. But the one thing I don't want to ever have to deal with again is the sickness I went through. It'd be like a slap in the face if I had to. I worked so hard to break free from those chains only to be chained up again.
I don't know what it is. I hadn't been feeling this way all summer. Maybe it was when I realized, "Hey, I actually am better" that doubts started to creep in. For the longest time I thought, "Well, I'm better, but I'm not completely better." I thought I still had a ways to go when the truth was I didn't.
Now I realize I thought that, because I was scared. I'm not exactly sure of what, but I know I was afraid. Even when I was sick and I thought I wanted to get better, I didn't really. I didn't want to change. I had grown into this routine and didn't want it to leave. It's a sick horrible thought, but it's true.
And then, a few days ago, I decided to make a change. I'm not going to be afraid anymore. I refuse to let fear rule my life. It's time to end this. I might as live without regrets while I can. Sure, easier said than done, but that is my one life goal. Everything else that I want falls underneath it. We're here for such a short while, we don't have time to let fear take control of us. Fear that no one likes us, fear that will never be loved, fear that we'll never lose that weight, fear we won't succeed in our jobs or families, all this fear. But it's really all just crap. Fear doesn't exist. It's when we start thinking of all our failures and all the things that could go wrong that it starts to live. It starts to thrive.
So why do we let it live? We can shut it down. It's hard, I know, but it's possible. And I'm not saying it'll be gone forever, it'll always be a continuing battle. However, you can do it. You can beat all those doubts that are hounding you every single day. I believe in you and when you start believing in yourself is when change will actually happen.
Wow, so that turned it a really, sappy post. #sorry #notsorry I hope it could help you in some way, though. Especially if you're struggling with some things now.
Inquiry of the Day:
What're some things that you're afraid of right now? I don't mean snakes, or thunderstorms, or sharks, I mean things like facing people at school, failing a job interview, etc. They don't have to be big things. Just stuff that's holding you back. Yes, I realize this is a very personal question, so you don't have to answer if you don't want to.
So why am I writing about fear?
Because lately that's what I've been struggling with. Fear of all kinds. The biggest one being "What if you get sick again?". As soon as this thought crosses my mind I feel it. The dull ache in my intestines, the nausea climbing up my throat, and, most importantly, the doubt. This could be a continuing thing and you were just having a really good period. Since you didn't know how it started it can come back anytime and now it has. And I feel myself slowly slipping down the mountain I have just triumphantly climbed. Down into this big, black hole that will be impossible to get out of the second time.
So here's the thing. I can deal with what life throws my way. As long as it's different every single time. My thought process here is that sense I am a Christian, people/life will always be trying to trip me up. I expect that, in fact, I welcome it. But the one thing I don't want to ever have to deal with again is the sickness I went through. It'd be like a slap in the face if I had to. I worked so hard to break free from those chains only to be chained up again.
I don't know what it is. I hadn't been feeling this way all summer. Maybe it was when I realized, "Hey, I actually am better" that doubts started to creep in. For the longest time I thought, "Well, I'm better, but I'm not completely better." I thought I still had a ways to go when the truth was I didn't.
Now I realize I thought that, because I was scared. I'm not exactly sure of what, but I know I was afraid. Even when I was sick and I thought I wanted to get better, I didn't really. I didn't want to change. I had grown into this routine and didn't want it to leave. It's a sick horrible thought, but it's true.
And then, a few days ago, I decided to make a change. I'm not going to be afraid anymore. I refuse to let fear rule my life. It's time to end this. I might as live without regrets while I can. Sure, easier said than done, but that is my one life goal. Everything else that I want falls underneath it. We're here for such a short while, we don't have time to let fear take control of us. Fear that no one likes us, fear that will never be loved, fear that we'll never lose that weight, fear we won't succeed in our jobs or families, all this fear. But it's really all just crap. Fear doesn't exist. It's when we start thinking of all our failures and all the things that could go wrong that it starts to live. It starts to thrive.
So why do we let it live? We can shut it down. It's hard, I know, but it's possible. And I'm not saying it'll be gone forever, it'll always be a continuing battle. However, you can do it. You can beat all those doubts that are hounding you every single day. I believe in you and when you start believing in yourself is when change will actually happen.
Wow, so that turned it a really, sappy post. #sorry #notsorry I hope it could help you in some way, though. Especially if you're struggling with some things now.
Inquiry of the Day:
What're some things that you're afraid of right now? I don't mean snakes, or thunderstorms, or sharks, I mean things like facing people at school, failing a job interview, etc. They don't have to be big things. Just stuff that's holding you back. Yes, I realize this is a very personal question, so you don't have to answer if you don't want to.
I write a lot and I'm afraid that my novels won't ever get published.
ReplyDelete~Cana
daydreamsandwishes.wordpress.com
The only suggestion I have for you is to keep writing, and perfecting your writing, and trying for agents and to get published by magazines.
DeleteI truly can't believe we're THIS much alike! Like, really, your struggle is very similar to mine. I worry a lot, too. And the one thing that really scares me is sickness. Whenever I feel something, I start worrying that it might be something serious, even with the smallest things. One day I can be worrying about a headache, and then the next day I'm worrying because one of my ears is clogged, and the next day because my stomach hurts and it won't stop making sounds. :/ Fear is one of the most annoying things in life: About a month ago, it was my mom's birthday, and my parents, sister and I were all celebrating, but I couldn't fully enjoy the party because I was worrying about something (I don't even remember what it was :P). But now, I am determined not to worry about stupid things anymore. And it is not always easy, but I realized that I shouldn't worry about things I can't control, and sickness is one of them. I'm doing what I can to keep myself healthy; I drink a lot of water, I exercise, I try not to eat many processed foods. And that's all I can do... God takes care of the rest. :)
ReplyDeleteAmen!
DeleteI think this is a very common problem, actually. It's just that lots of people let their fear rule them. Which a) isn't healthy and b) really holds you back in life.
Anyways, thanks for commenting and have a great day! :)